downhill fast

That's where I feel like I am going... I have been SO tired (lazy?) this past week. My brain feels numb and worn out. My eating has been terrible. My son has watched too much tv. My house is suffering (damn the endless laundry). I have been recently longing for the way I used to live. In the sun, full throttle. I was reckless and usually high. No, I understand I will not live like that again. But sometimes you can't control your thoughts and emotions. My new drug of choice is food. Fatty, fried, greasy, sugary... anything that lacks nutritional value will do. When I lost all of that weight 3 years ago, I remember telling people 'I don't eat fries.' and I really meant it. I drank gobs of water and only ate enough to keep my stomach from hurting. I still remember how good it felt to have people tell me I looked like I had lost alot of weight. I looked damn good! Now, my depression is getting the best of me. I feel so gross and hopeless. Basically, I am sick and tired of being a fat-ass. Today's going relatively well. I need to take Ben somewhere fun, though. It's just really hard to be huge and hot and have fun.