Dear Mr. Donor,

However may I thank you? It is such a wonderful feeling to have spent too much money on spending time with Ben at the pumpkin patch, etc... and then I get a check in the mail from the State Comptroller (child support) for almost the total amount of the power bill I was worried about. So, even though you are a sorry excuse for a father. I forgive you. I like the relationship we've worked out. You are never here for anything. I dont have to share my child. I don't have to listen to anyone else's opinion because unlike good fathers, you don't have an opinion about anything. I don't even need to keep you updated on how Ben is doing because even if I tell you that he has the flu, you don't respond. So, thank you for doing the best possible thing you could do for your son. Especially with your view on women (we are crazy, only useful for sex or sandwiches, and best if dumb), and don't let me forget your warped religious attitude ( Crowleyism, do what thou wilst.. oh, and the satanic looking pagan goat lady with large breasts and the fact that your church mass involves sex? ok, whatever that's all about... To each his own, just not MY own) I would hate for Ben to look up to you. If you were his role model I would cry. Alot. Thank you for staying out of our lives. Thanks for the money, too.

random thursday (yeah, i missed tuesday)

They are making everyone freak out about the H1N1 flu. Ben had it. I didn't catch it from him... so far, we'll see. I am kind of glad he already got it. That keeps me from having to decide if he should get the vaccine or not. Plus, I would hate for him to get sick when everyone else is and there is not enough antiviral or whatever... Walgreens was out of thermometers! Who knows how bad it'll get. Anyways, I pray that we have seen the last of the flu at our house.

Why is it that even when I keep up with housework, school and work... a sick kid or one lazy day can undo my stride? Cleanin tomorrow. Hardcore.

I watch Nancy Grace every night. I LOVE her. Her fiance was murdered by a mugger on the street while she was right there with him. Since then, she went back to school and studied law with her focus being prosecution. She is a no holds barred, tells it like it is, not scared to answer or ask ANYTHING. Anyways, there are so many kids missing, murdered, abused... and not by strangers, usually by a PARENT. Today they found a missing 7 yr old girl that had disappeared walking home from school just 2 days ago. She had been murdered and dumped into a landfill. Today it's a 9 year old walking home from school in a different state. What is going on?? I am to the point that I don't want Ben to leave my sight EVER. Praying for the families of these and other horrific stories. (Hailee Cummings, Kaylee Anthony........)

I came home and put my blizzard in the fridge. Dammit. So much for a cold one after Ben went to bed. LOL

I had my first 'weapon' incident on my bus yesterday. A kid told me another kid had a gun in his bag. He had shown it to him. I turned the damn bus around and took them back to school and had the teachers go through his stuff. ( Bus drivers aren't allowed to touch anything, even if a kid hugs you, you can't hug back... the world has become so cold. ) Lo and behold, there was a realistic looking cap gun in his pocket. He got suspended for 6 days. (no, IL isn't really zero tolerance) In the last week there have been countless fights on the schoolbusses. The police and paramedics were called out to a Jr high bus because there was a fight and one of the kids had a knife. What in the hell are we teaching today's youth??? Or is it just Decatur, or IL, or America... I don't know but I wish I did. I would move in a SECOND.

The world makes me really sad sometimes.

This is only one of the reasons that I hate Walmart (stupid, rude, trashy people) and the main reason I no longer am able to work with the general public (same stupid, rude, trashy people) ~~i was trying to find a parking spot. someone started to pull out about four spots ahead of me. so i stopped. i looked to my left to make sure nobody was pulling out since i had stopped. and there he was pulling out directly at the middle of my car. so i honked because there was not enough time for me to get out of the way. and then this crazy old man with a masonic baseball cap and masonic stickers all over the back window of his newish beige car, gets out of his car and starts coming towards my drivers side window, cussing me. "move the hell out of my way, you bitch." oh, and there were a few "back the fuck up"''s also. so i didnt roll my window down bc obviously this was a case of parking lot rage. so, i just stared at him like i 'no speaka english' and shrugged. when i could drive forward, i did. then the shock wore off and A. i was pissed. B. this man better thank god that ben was not with me. i would have stayed parked right there and called 911. swear to god. but, i had to pick up ben within the next half hour and the police are never that quick. Anyways, i drove back down to where he had pulled out and was driving down the aisle and rolled my window down when i got to his car and (he was still screaming profanity at me, btw) i said to him "i dont know what the hell is wrong with you sir, but i dont believe you have the right to treat me like this. take your medication before you go out in public. Then I left, picked up Ben and we went Krogering. LMAO!!! In the past (pre-Ben) I had no fear. I would have gotten out of the car and yelled and cussed this man right back, literally daring him to hit me and refusing to move my car. I really wanted to do that. really, really, really badly. But, alas.. being a mom has changed me. It has soften my once razor sharp edges. My wild spirit has been grounded... (ok, mostly.. )

Random Tuesday

Ben got his flu shot yesterday afternoon. He was a trooper about it, hardly cried at all! It could be because I am supermom and had made sure that the nurse equipped me with a sucker. As soon as the needle was out I stuck a sucker into his wailing open mouth. And it was done.

Today he is sick. (of course) So there goes my afternoon productivity. We will be here on the couch until it is time for me to get back to work at 2ish.

Shrek is an awesome movie. We have watched it a million times and it never gets old. uhhh, yeahhhh......

Anyone want a couple of beautiful guinea pigs? These piggies require a lot of work. Naww, I love the little guys.

Ben is asleep. I think I will join him.

Random Tuesday

My facebook page locked me out. I get an error message that says my account is unavailable due to site maintenance. FOR 4 DAYS???? and yes, i contacted the 'facebook team' who in long complicated words told me to screw off. So, facebook is an asshole.

Watching Biggest Loser and decided that I don't like Tracey. If you can't excersize they should automatically replace you. seriously.

Ben won't eat anything I cook. Except hotdogs and ketchup.

I still need to take a history quiz tonight. I am SO tired. I haven't even read the chapter yet. Or the last 5 chapters either. Exam over said chapters on Friday. Epic Fail.

I know you are the one that had to have come up with the funny sign outside the flower shop. (Sheryl) lol Or you didn't but it's funny anyways.

Chocolate. umm.