I didnt meet my father until about a year ago. It is quite apparent to me that he does not like the way i look. Everytime I talk to him (on the phone bc I am too ashamed for him to see me..) I get some sort of 'weight related' discussion. Today was a discussion about not force feeding my son. I DONT. I will admit that there are some people in my family that are constantly letting Ben eat.. I dont. If he doesnt want his supper, then get down and go play. Anyways, I (somewhere amidst 'how to prevent childhood obesity') told my father that I was doing well and that I have reached academic honors at RCC. I dont know if the "well you should" was aimed at the weight discussion or the fact that I was doing well in college. I didnt ask. Does it matter? My father doesnt like me. I dont think I have ever been loved by a man. Every man in my life has hurt me, whether it be through physical, mental or sexual abuse. It worries me that someday my son will leave me... I know he will move out and have a family and all of those things, I mean leave me and not look back.
Then theres Bens dad. I dont think Ben needs to look up to someone that leads the life that he has chosen. End of story.
So, another fathers day is passing. And I couldnt care less.
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