Yesterday was my birthday. I am 34. Thirty four. thirty-four
It's strange how the years creep up on you. I feel the same as I did when I was in my 20's.... maybe even teens. I think I may laugh less now, but I also cry less. I think that's a fair enough trade. My emotions have stabilized over the years. I am currently working on my social skills. As a person that has suffered from many addictions, depression, and anxiety throughout my life, I am a person that tends to isolate myself from others and the outside world in general. I am trying very hard to get out of my comfort zone and 'live' my life. I think that as that gets better, I will laugh a lot more. Not that I am sad. I really am pretty content with my life. I definitely keep busy with school, work, and Ben... now to rejuvinate my social life. I just want to lose some weight first, people can be so cruel! I don't want to get out there before I am more confident and have some asshole do or say something that pushes me right back into my cave which will make it even more difficult the next time I try. I can't even count how many times a day I get looked at like I have 3 heads. Almost worse than that are the times I get looked 'through'. Doors slammed on me, etc... Not as if they meant to be mean, but as if they really had no clue I was RIGHT THERE. I was off today and so I kept Ben home and we are being lazy. This weekend is full of commitments and well, I guess I am just isolating. At least I can recognize it, now!
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