Today is a quiet sunday morning. Ben has spent almost the entire weekend at my aunt's house so that I can get much needed extra sleep and studying done. I do feel a lot better and less stressed out. I really miss Ben though. I don't know how some parents are able to split custody of their children. It will be a long time before I do this again just because the house feels empty and I miss our weekend time together. I am sure I will be a better mom this week because of the break though, it was much needed... as in, for his entire life, he has only spent about 3-4 nights away from me and here's 2 nights in a row.
I also had a realization this morning in the quiet of my childless-for-now home. I realized that I keep people at a distance. I have been hurt a lot and overlooked a lot and I believe that for those reasons I tend to pick the wrong men, isolate myself from friends and the good times that I am invited to, I also keep myself overweight for the same reason. People don't tend to pay attention (at least 'good' attention) to fat girls. I have used my addictions to not feel and to be around others who did not feel. I'm not living, I'm trying everything in my power to not live but not even realizing it. What an A-HA moment for me!
1 comment:
Being overweight is one of the easiest barriers to build. And it takes alot to want to let them come down. I am working on that myself now. And your right spending nights away from the kids is hard. Sometimes I crave for alone time and when I get it I am so lost.
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