weight loss

i am a binge eater. i don't really know how to control it (obviously) but i am working out with my Wii for at least 30 minutes every day and i hope exercise will boost my energy which will boost my self esteem which will boost my motivation to eat well which will help me fight my cravings to binge. the last timne my binging was this bad was when i was in an unhappy marriage. i was miserable (he is a wonderful man that has remarried and i wish him all the best... i am not ex-bashing..lol) i moved to TN where i quickly made friends and found a wonderful refuge in my O'Charleys (shout out to Kingsport OC!) family. in july 2005, i moved to the pigeon forge area to work at the OC there (more money + my biggest crush ever in life) over the course of 3 years i lost over 100 pounds and had a great time. good friends, fun nights, happy days.. (oh, but the heartbreak of goodbye ): ) when i moved back to Il, lonely and with a severely broken heart that still hasnt healed, i began gaining weight almost immediately. 20 pounds in 3 months. then i found out i was pregnant. from the first month on, i gained an average of 8 pounds a month. HELLO can you say ridiculous? damn bacon sandwich cravings. sidenote~ no, bens father and i were not in a relationship but had been 12 years ago.. long story, cant go there right now, anyways, i got sober (another long story i may delve into someday), lost 99% of my IL friends because i couldnt party anymore, quit smoking, car got reposessed, couldnt do my waitressing job anymore because my hormones were kicking my ass and i cried ALOT (not so good for tips) lost my apartment because i wasnt working (that ended up for the best, but doesnt it all? ) started working as a customer service rep at an inbound call center, had the baby, went back to the call center... sat on my ass for about a year and a half. misery. all in all i gained (as of today) 125 pounds since july 26, 2006. the more i binge the more helpless i feel. the more helpless i feel, the more i binge (see a pattern?) i am 33 years old but i feel like i am 63. i am sore, tired and uncomfortable almost all of the time, every day. i am scared that my son will be embarrassed by me (more than kids are normally embarrassed by their parents) i am worried that i will pass on my bad habits to him. people tell me- you did it before! you can do it again!. ok, but i worked as a waitress and did physical work 8 hours a day, i bet i jogged at least 10 miles a day when i worked in pigeon forge! (that store was rockin and i made about $100 in tips per day on average.) i was single with no kids. i slept on couches and stayed out all night. i smoked cigarettes and pot. i got together with my friends and we spent evenings and weekends hiking and having adventures. I CANT DO ANY OF THAT STUFF!!! so, how in the hell am i going to succeed? i am sober, responsible, in college, work at a place that does random drug testing (thank god, i cant even think about it) sidenote~ i have been sober for 18 months my food addiction is my last hurdle to overcome. (control is a better word) people say, stop eating. just stop eating, stop binging and go exercize. ok, go tell an alcoholic to sit in a bar everyday for the rest of their life, and watch well produced alcohol commercials on tv between all of their favorite shows, and have the family serve alcohol at every family function (especially birthdays) but DONT DRINK. food is everywhere, it is celebration, reward, love, and we have to eat (5 small meals a day is best). thats a lot of work to keep up the motivation and strength to choose well. you cant ever be in a hurry, pre plan everything so that you dont end up at a drive thru or any other food establishment. ITS EFFIN HARD!!!!! so, here i go. to prove (to myself) that i can do this (again).