opinions are like....

i have a friend that is very adamant that she is Christian and a good person. Sometimes I dont agree with her. We were pregnant at the same time and found comfort in each other because we were going through the same, babydaddy/all of my friends left me drama in our lives. We got along really well and felt a renewed sense of Christianity and need to reprioritize our lives. By the time our kids were a bit over 1, she or I was changing. I still don't really know which. I started to feel like her 'fat friend' that she did 'fat things ' or 'mommy things' with. Maybe I was paranoid. It happens. Later she began to be derrogatory towards me. For example, I was getting out of a car and a truck in the same parking lot started backing up and beeping. She actually asked me if that was me. I laughed it off. She says I look nice and compliments me more often. Why cant i think about that instead? I ate dinner at her house and when i laughed at something she said she could smell my breath and it was bad. I was taken back, and hurt. Still pretty much laughed it off. Well, she seems to be coasting through life in her own world. People just hand her things and do things for her. Why? I am jealous, i will admit. i want someone to swoop in and pay my bills when i lose my job or take care of oil changes and when my car breaks down so i dont have to spend any money or take me and ben on expensive vacations and give me thousands of dollars to help me buy a house. ( i think i would like it, then i think of how proud i am for working hard for everything and i dont want to own a home anyways, too much to take care of right now i am busy) anyways, i still am slowly healing from the worst non-relationship i ever had in my life. so i am a bit biased. i understand that. my friend is happily letting a man sleepover, help with bills, pay for outings when she has no intention of ever having a relationship with him. to be fair she has told him that she will not be in a relationship with him ever.. ever. okay, thats what was done to me and it hurts. she admits he said he thought she would change her mind. she told him, no i wont. but she says she loves him but for reasons i will not divulge because they are purely cosmetic (whats that.... stones?... glass houses??) she says she will never marry him. ok, miss christian lady... so sit back and sleep with someone to keep you from being lonely and the money for a cherry on top. i've seen this game. i know she only sees me as a poor, fat, bus riding person, but i have lived far more than she realizes. i see the game. win me, prove you need me, let me crap on you cuz it makes my life better and i can feel important. so he is. and the fact that the person i once thought i knew could be so naive and hurtful and well, materialistic and snobby. i always stuck up for her when people said they thought she acted holier than thou. i said, no, she doesn't think that. well, maybe i was wrong.