RTT:

I am ready for this semester to end. It's not that I don't love school, I am just ready for a few weeks without homework. Next semester is math. I am freaking out.

My son is growing too fast. I am really getting nostaligic for my squishy little baby. One of my friends just announced she was pregnant with baby #2. This friend and I were pregnant with our firsts at the same time. Her Abby is almost exactly a month younger than my Ben. Somehow this makes me feel like I am 'getting behind' in life. I would love another baby. I don't want to do it alone again and I am nowhere near at a place in my life that I am even considering trying to meet Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. I am also getting up there in the years, I am going to be 34 in march. Ok, I'm not menopausal, but I don't want to have kids in the house after I am 60. The way it looks now, I will be 50 when Ben is 18. If I had a baby right this minute, I would be going on 53 when they were 18. Yeahhhhh, I don't think so.

I am watching Biggest Loser. Does anyone elso think Bob and Amanda will be a 'thing' after the season ends? Anyways, I love this show. I wanna go to the ranch and let Bob and Jillian kick my ass. That would be crazy.

Christmas is coming and I am not ready! I really want this year to be better than last year. Last year I was unemployed :( This weekend I am going to get the house decorated. I have a small fake tree that I used last year. I am considering getting a bigger one this year... We'll see how the money situation goes. Last year I baked for others. I wanted to give everyone a little something. Unfortunately, I didn't get anything last year except from Tom, Patty, Melissa and Samantha. ( It was Sams boyfriends gifts and they broke up or something, so when they found out I was overlooked by the rest of the family they hooked me up... and Patty made me a family picture and frame... and Melissa got me some poppycock. LOL don't ask.) I was so depressed and felt unloved. I know Christmas isn't about the gifts. It was the thought that counted. I wasn't really thought of... Ben either, really. This year, I am only buying for Ben. I don't plan in buying much, though because I think it would be best if we celebrated Jesus and how blessed we are instead of getting caught up in the gift exchange. I believe last Christmas changed me, I was so mad at not getting gifts and I was disappointed and mad at myself for being mad and materialistic.

I talked myself out of buying pizza for supper tonight. I went through all of the emotions and was actually talking to myself... yelling at myself. How weird is that? But it worked. I got home and baked chicken nuggets and fries. Ok, still not healthy. Better than it could have been though. I want to lose this weight so bad. Bad enough? Apparently not, so far. I love my life though and decision by decision I can make changes.