The mess that I call my home is a wonderful place. I have goals to make it shiny and clean with all of the laundry clean and dishes done and toys put away in their designated bins. All floors swept, mopped or vaccuumed. pets with a spotless cage/tanks. Meals premade and planned out for the whole week for convenience and good health. I can see it in my mind. Where things are supposed to go and how the apartment will feel light and airy. It is true that clutter makes for a lot of stress. It just weighs on your shoulders like a physical burden. I could be cleaning right now, Ben is feeling sick and is actually not a livewire as much today. I guess its perfect for cleaning. It's also perfect for a lazy day with a book and hot tea or coffee. My finals aren't until the week after next and homework is minimal. I am officially flat broke, so christmas shopping is done for the year. Sorry to everyone except Ben, you will be the proud recipients of the same gifts as last year, 'stuff I can buy with Link'. LOL cookies, candies and rice crispie treats. (oh, I LOVE BAKING *once a year*) I hope everyone can see through the glamour and commerciality of the holiday season to remember that christmas is about CHRIST. Not gifts and new stuff and stress.
*weight progress*
I am currently trying to find a 12 step program for OA and a therapist for other issues. Opening up and delving into the pits of my childhood desparity will be unwelcome, painful and necessary to move on and get healthy. For now, lots of water and attempting to say yes when i want to say no and say no when i want to say yes.
3 comments:
Since money seems to be an issue right now, have you considered seeking the help of a clergy member? You seem like a spiritual person.
Rachel, don't worry about the gifts. You are right...it's about Christ! I know people can get honked off if they don't get something store bought. I always make my gifts. I don't like to spend so much money at the store (don't have much anyway) and the stress the holiday can bring is no fun. Just being aware of the issues you may have from childhood is a great start to getting past them. I have...it took until I was 25, but I did it. I did it with Christ. So thankful to be free from my childhood abuse. :)
I've never been much for crazy gift giving at Xmas. I usually make or bake my presents, and occasionally splurge on something a friend will really get use out of. Good for you for staying focused on the real meaning of the holiday!
RE: Housekeeping... Not sure if you may have seen it, but there is a good site called Flylady.net. She has a great system for housekeeping, designed particularly for people who are busy, or easily sidetracked, or just feeling overwhelmed by clutter/stress/whatever. I have always been a tidy person, but I use the Flylady stuff to keep my OCD cleaning tendencies in check -- until I found her site, I was totally incapable of asking anyone for help around the house, and I criticized the bejeebus out of my husband when he DID try to help (gee, wonder why he gave up?!).
As another commenter said, "just being aware...is a great start." Realizing that you have issues and seeking help to address them is a big, big step. Therapy helped me TREMENDOUSLY.
Anyhoo...have a good week! Remember to take some time for yourself, even if it's only a few minutes.
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